BLUE...

i'm kinda BLUE today.

i don't know why, as always...there are just days when you feel low and blue and floating and careless about other things than just yourself... you don't know the exact reason of the 'blue-ness,' you just feel it... these are days when you feel a donut hole inside you that needs to be filled... it's just that you don't know what will fill it up... and it seemed to take the life out of you, no matter how you try to pretend you're okay.

i wonder if I AM an isolated case...

how do i confirm the 'blue-ness..?'

1. i get senti on love songs! -- i get the feeling that the song was meant for me someway, somehow. and i get the stupid feeling of crying! like a singer was singing 'How Did You Know" and i wanted to cry just now! ... stupid, stupid girl... it is a wedding song, for christ sake!... it's supposed to be a happy song, it's a song for lovers in-love...and i feel blue hearing it!

2. i try to be jolly with people but the blue-ness doesn't go away! -- a friend just called and i feel okay on the phone, chatting with as much life as i could muster, yet when i put the phone down, i feel low again...

3. i get sick to my stomach. -- i don't have appetite at all. i could eat, but the food tastes bland. and even worse at times, i wanted to vomit... no kidding!... i just get sick, i feel i need to regurgitate!

4. i stare at blank spaces. -- for how long, i don't know. i just do. and i wanted to.

5. the classic sign: a heavy sigh. -- need i explain more?

6. nothing makes me laugh. -- everything is just so corny or stupid or crazy... nothing is really a joke!... i wonder where the laughter in my heart is lodged at the moment...?

7. i get irritated easily. -- don't you dare me...not at this point in time.


oh, i'm sure it's just mother nature taking its toll on me... perhaps hormonal. or seasonal... but the feeling stayed on... or perhaps i just need a time off for me, myself and i.

it must be God's way of reminding me to get a feel of Life... that life is not all about fun and happenings and laughter and satisfaction... life is sometimes sullen and sad and painful, or even just plain fleeting.

or maybe, well, if at all i need to cry, i will....