Karma

i think all that i've done is coming back to me now.....

i am now facing the consequences of all my actions, choices and decisions....

i have to be strong.

i deserve it.
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lies

you may be wondering what happened...

me, too... i am still wondering why...


we were supposed to go out last Saturday.... during the week before that day, i am feeling so unusual... i dont know why but i really have this woman's instinct in me that never fails when it involves M... i know something is wrong or something would turn out wrong...

i was right...

Friday.... the day before our scheduled date, at past 5pm. i e-mailed M to say our usual daily goodbyes... very casually, he e-mailed back to let me know that he cant make it to our date tomorrow because he has to go to the province with his wife.

yes. he cancelled it the very last minute. he had all the day to let me know but he didnt. he cancelled it when i was about to go home. what if i didnt e-mail him and just went straight home?... i wouldnt know that i would be dating myself alone on Saturday.

to save my pride, i told him it was Ok... i told him i have other matters to attend to, anyway... but deep inside, i can sense that he was not telling the truth.

Saturday... i arrived at the office before lunch. he was already there. a few minutes after, i saw Cola coming. M becomes uneasy. at 1:30, he e-mailed me to say bye. at 2:00 pm, Cola was also gone.

my instinct was right. he was telling me lies again.

but i still give him the benefit of the doubt.

Monday... i told him it was over but we could remain friends... i told him he should not ask me why for if he do, i would ask him things that he should answer honestly. i told him i'd rather not confirm my doubts, coz if i do, i know i would hate him.

but that Monday night, his wife texted me. she asked me if i saw M last Saturday and what time he went home. i texted her 1:30.

when she texted back, my fear was confirmed... He went home beyond 5pm... or even later than that... she wouldnt know coz she was in the province..... all by herself.

Lie No. 2 was confirmed... he was not going with his wife... he cancelled our date to have a date with Cola.

do you realize how much it hurts?... to be dumped by the one you love in favor with someone else......

it almost killed me....

all night, i didnt sleep... i keep on thinking and asking myself if he was worth all this pain... if he was worth all the love i gave him... i know the answers... and i know it has to end...

i e-mailed it to him the following morning... for the nth time, he still lied and denied everything... but i did not believe him... i forced myself not to... i told him that it's really over between us... but now, we can no longer be friends... i cant give him another chance to hurt me this way again... i would be too stupid if i do that...

for 4 days, i did ignore him... seeing him is like seeing all the wasted years of my life spent loving him... all the pains he caused me in the past keeps on coming back... and i realized how stupid i was... how stupid i've become... because of him...

i am still hurting but i know i would be able to overcome this...

i am going to move on with my life.......

without him.

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it's over...

i already ended the affair...

even if he told me he's not yet ready...

even if i'm not sure if i am ready...

i just felt that i need to...

there's no more room for pain...

can't talk about it yet...

it still hurts so bad .........................

i just want to let you know....

... it's over ............

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