tropical depression named M...

Tropical Depression
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(this was written a couple of days before i finally ended it all with M)

when it rains, it pours...


again, it started raining all over me since last week, then this week. i thought that it was a gentle downpour, just drenching me slightly to remind me that some things need attention…. but days of rain, of dark clouds and depressing situation made me realize that it was more than just a bad weather...


there really is a tropical depression named 'M'...


perhaps i am just exaggerating… perhaps, i am just magnifying things distraughtly… i just feel a little cynic at this moment though... the past week and this week had been very stormy for both of us... little things said and done just blew out of proportion until it got out of control..!


(though there was no physical explosion... just silent treatments and sharp words done in writing)


you may say that i am overacting just to catch his attention... or i am just trying to prove him wrong in many ways... maybe i am trying to prove him that i am right in many ways as well… but after all the agitation and melee, when this is over, it was me who gets drenched and hurt... and that happens ALL THE TIME.


for the past years, even in my hyperactive and restless mind, there was not a single moment that i felt i did not want or need or love 'M' at all… even in the roughest times, in the roughly jagged edges of the path we tread, and even in the stringest of weather, there was no other being more important to hold on to than he…


even if I mean it when I say he is… and will always be, my Storm Signal No. 3.



but it would be different this time.. I would no longer live forever in the rain… perhaps its about time I dream of the sun… and that would mean living a life without him around…. Totally without the storm…



for the longest time we’ve been together, on and off, I’ve been drenched enough… for the past years, I used to enjoy the rain… even if it drench me not just physically… it also douse my spirit and soul… and now, at last, I get too tired living with a tropical depression… my heart gets too tired with the storm…



when does a heart stop loving?


and when does a heart who gets bruised and welted and shattered still strive to live..?


honestly, I’m not yet sure when……………….. but it will happen…



meantime, i say to this heart:

"rest, my heart, and heal…. the storm will soon be over!"


..