things left unsaid

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what i wanted to say to you:
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1. I’ve been a good girl. i tried to be one, whether in front of you or not. i did whatever pleases you. i made time and exerted effort to appreciate you. and whenever i please and appreciate you, i do it without any expectations and in all sincerity.


2. i kept no secrets from you. you know everything about me, and i take extra effort, if you notice, to tell you everything I know, even if you don’t return the favor. sadly, you don't seem to notice.


3. i don't know about your expectations of me. or how i can measure up to your expectations. as far as i know, i met up with it. i am sorry if to you, I did not.


4. i am hurt. emotionally, i was hurt, which caused all the brouhaha. but the pain doubled (tripled!) when i realized you never give a damn to what I am feeling. it is always what “you” feel that matters to you. and you always wanted to receive the affection, love and care, rather than give them back.


5. 'No Regrets.' you know that I have the ‘no regrets’ policy. sadly, you were part of my 'no regrets'. i have no control over it. but in all uncertainty, whatever happens to me, as well as the result of my decisions, i am totally responsible for it.


6. I do not understand. I do not understand why after everything I gave and did for you, you still cheated on me. I hate to think and admit to myself that SEX is everything that matters to you. sadly, she is better than me on that Department.


7. I TRULY LOVED YOU. more than my husband. more than anyone else. but not anymore.


some things need no explaining, as what happened to us and why/how/when we ended into this. at present, i am still clueless. i am still clueless why something like that transpired.


i am still feeling bad about it. not because of the fact that I have loved you, but because of the end-result of it all.


in due time, i know we will have the chance to talk again and be friends again. but for now, the reality and the irony of the situations are staring at me in the face. it is teaching me something i am not yet sure of as of the moment.


of course, everything that happens to us is a learning experience.


i am patient and impatient at the moment. yet, the irony is making me insane…


until the time comes when our minds and hearts are open for a deeper connection, then we’ll have to make each other understand the reasons.

i’m silent yet still agitated. .. I just want you to know...


(sigh.)


;-(